Finally! A use for bridesmaids’ dresses

I’ve already been in three weddings, and while I love the couples, I have no intention of ever wearing the dresses I had to purchase again (*shudder*).

Combined, I think we’re talking about $400ish I put into these gowns, and now they just hang in my storage closet, collecting dust, never to be worn again.

Last month, while she was doing her 29-Day Giving Challenge, One Frugal Girl pointed out that there are charities that take dresses and give them to girls who could use them for proms and formals.

Perfect, I decided then. Something (at last!) to do with these things!

Of course, life gets busy and the don’t-have-tos get pushed to the side.

But this weekend, I finally packed up the three dresses, plus a couple college formals (oh, if I had it to do over again) and mailed them off to The Perfect Prom Project in Illinois.

If you, like me, have some you’d like to donate, take a look at this site to find a donation center near you.

Image: The Perfect Prom Project

On Loaning Friends Money (or, I’d rather give)

True story: A couple years ago, someone I know asked someone else I know (let’s say persons A & B) for a favor. Desperate, tears running down his face, A asked B for $20,000+ to help finish his new home and to cover unexpected medical costs for his child.

B loaned him the money.

Weeks went by. Months. Then a big problem: Lender B’s home business was facing some problems, and he needed that $20K back.

He went to A; A didn’t have it and didn’t know when he would. Bigger problem. B wanted his money; A couldn’t believe B didn’t understand. Suddenly, what had been a good friendship became tense, awkward and stressful.

The good news is that this worked out, sort of. A ended up taking out a home equity line of credit to consolidate all of his many debts into one (same money, but one place owed). He paid back B just in time. The bad news is that their friendship was never the same.

I could tell you a lot of stories like this; you probably could, too. Somehow, when money gets involved, things can get ugly fast, even between good friends. I’ve always thought this, way in the back of my mind. I’ve always felt a little uneasy about the idea of loaning friends money.

When I was reading Total Money Makeover, Dave Ramsey pointed out the Biblical principle at work here: Proverbs 22:7 The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.

Essentially, when you loan someone money, you change the dynamics of peer-to-peer friendship. Now you are one who loaned and one who owes. And that makes things complicated.

In fact, in Hamlet, Shakespeare writes something similar: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be. For loan oft loses both itself and friend…”

So here’s my personal philosophy: If my friend comes to me, needing money, and it’s a real need, I will give–no strings attached–what I can. They can think it’s a loan if they want to, but I’m giving it as a gift–no interest and no payment expected. If I’m unable to give them the money, I can offer to do anything else to help. But I won’t lend.

If I, say, go out to eat with my friend, and she asks me to lend her what she’s owes, I will. But I’ll just give it to her. I’ll tell her, don’t worry about it. If she pays me back, fine. If she doesn’t, it was a gift.

And, if at the end of my life, I’ve paid for more friends’ meals than I’ve been given, if I’ve given more money than I’ve received, if I’ve been the sucker as some would say, I’ll consider it a good life, indeed.

Image: aldoaldoz

I am not going to a wedding this morning.

A few months ago, I made a command decision: if I don’t know someone (i.e., if I ran into them, I’d feel weird going over and saying hi), I don’t have to go to their weddings/baby showers/graduation parties. It’s the time of year for that sort of thing, and, especially when you travel in my particular circles, you get invited to a lot of things, even for people you don’t know. I have gone to my fair share of stranger-parties, and sure, I’ve survived. But I’ve not enjoyed them, and I don’t think the people of honor even knew I was there or cared.

So, last weekend, I didn’t go to the graduation party of a high-schooler I’ve never spoken with, even though her parents seem nice. At the end of the month, I’m not going to the baby shower of the girl whose bridal shower and wedding I’ve already attended but haven’t talked with her since. And today, I’m not going to the wedding of the couple I know nothing about, save from some random Facebook updates.

It’s nothing personal, and it’s not about the money. I’m even sending a gift to the newlyweds. My brother and I went to Target last night, and we split the approximately $30 cost of a Brita water pitcher, which he’s taking to the wedding, seeing as he went to elementary/high school with the bride. I feel $15 is fair for an acquaintance’s wedding gift. (Side note: cost to me was actually $9, thank you bank-reward gift cards)

It’s just: with our society’s big, big parties and invite-everyone-you-ever-knew gatherings, I get invited to things, probably out a sense of obligation from someone. They’re inviting my brother or my parents or my co-worker, so they feel they should invite me, too, so I’m not hurt. And that’s kind. But it’s always kind of awkward for me–how many receiving lines can you go through saying, You look beautiful! Great wedding! as they smile at you, wondering what your name is. (OK, maybe exaggerating, but not by a lot.)

When I have a party or if I ever get married or have a baby shower, I’d like to just have the people I love that love me. It may be a smaller group–no 2000-person guest lists, as my random cousin is apparently choosing later this year for her wedding–and there won’t be as many gifts, but, in my opinion, that’s perfectly fine.

Money Story: Why Does She Get Presents?

There are these two people I know, both female, both planning their upcoming weddings, both their first.

R is middle-aged and well-established in her career. K has been working for three (four?) years. They’re both in education, both at the same school.

Despite the huge age differences and despite what many people would say, these ladies both live with their parents right now, which is only relevant because it points out that for both of them, getting married will be putting them in their first “own place.”

R is marrying a man with three children. Obviously, he’s pretty established, financially speaking. He has a house and all the things that go with that: the towels, the appliances, the bedding, the toaster, etc.

K is marrying a man who, though he lives on his own, has lived pretty bachelor and lacks all those little niceties people love to register for.

So in light of this and the upcoming showers and gift-giving they both expect, K feels the playing field is unlevel. “It’s not really fair,” she says. “R will already have all those things, while (husband-to-be and I) have to start from scratch.”

Kind of reminds me of the graduation announcements.

On Giving, Not Enough

A friend told me recently that I need to be more giving, which, to be honest, wounded my pride a little.

Because, really, I like to think I’m a pretty giving person. I track what I give and where I give it, so I know how much money is going to someone not-myself.

So I told Friend this. “I live according to a budget, you know that,” I said. “And I do give generously.”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized I’d become the kind of person I hate: the person who gives to tell people she gives.

Giving to feel good about myself (i.e., giving to get) = yuck.

Money Story: Graduation Announcements

We were college seniors, finishing our bachelor’s degrees quite a ways from home, I from Illinois and she from down South.

As we left the mail room, in our hands were college notices, inviting us to order announcements with the school logo embellished on top.

I wasn’t sending them out, seeing that the people I’d contact had just received my high school announcements four years ago and had seen little of me since. I told my friend.

Her response? Graduation announcements are an investment! People will send you money! You have to send them!

This bothers me for a few reasons, not that I’m blaming my friend at all. I think pretty much almost everyone sees it this way, even if they don’t vocalize it.  Send graduation announcements = money. Send out invitations to people who won’t come to my wedding = presents. Have a shower = presents.

And I guess that’s not wrong, really. But I hate the mentality that anyone deserves or expects a gift. Then it’s not a gift, you know?

Here’s How I’m Spending my Money, Lately

A few weeks ago, one weekend evening, I sat down with my laptop, a bundle of receipts and some paper. I was on a mission: a mission to analyze my spending.

Since July, I’ve been tracking/budgeting my money through Budget. Here’s what that looked like: every other Friday, I’d get a paycheck auto-deposited into my bank account. Sometime that weekend, I’d manually enter the payment into my budget, allocate it (each time) into envelopes, and be done. I do almost all my spending through my credit/debit card, out of my bank account, so I would record purchases in my checkbook during the week. Every few days, I’d enter those into Budget, removing money from envelopes accordingly.

This was good–I was spending within a predetermined limit–and bad–that limit fluctuated each month.

So I did something about it.

In a kind of elaborate Excel spreadsheet that made sense to me I figured out how much I’d been spending in every category on average. Here’s what I found: only half or less of my money is set spending (giving and saving). The rest goes to a myriad of things: restaurants, clothes, toiletries, gas, other gifts, etc.

Most months, I’d still have extra money (gravy, if you will) just sitting around. Sometimes I’d leave it in the envelope, padding it for future purchases. Sometimes I’d leave it in the envelope, forgetting about it.

So here’s what I’ve changed:

1) New Categories: I never spent from the “entertainment” envelope, so I redesigned that to be my ER fund. This envelope will get a set $75 every pay check, but it will also start receiving extra, otherwise unallocated funds each month.

I’ve been thinking of moving out, and whether it’s soon or in the future, I want to have the money for home stuff when I need it. So I made a “household” envelope, which will be getting a set amount of money and which will become an ING very soon. It came in handy, by the way, when I decided to redo my bedroom–an investment in the future, I say.

2) Scheduled Allocations: Now, every paycheck (from both jobs) will be depositing the same set amount into each envelope. This way, all I need to do is click “pay” every two weeks. The money will be the same, though I can always move stuff around if I need to.

3) Rethought Priorities: I really don’t need $200 each month for clothes, even if I *can* put it in there. Sometimes I’d let myself think I had to spend, since the money was in the envelope. I lowered the amount to go there, realizing I usually had leftovers anyway. This will help me put money into smarter resources like my ING accounts, my IRA, my personal stock portfolio and into giving.

4) Knowledge: Now I know what I spend–I mean, really know. While I can’t recite numbers off the top of my head, I can easily consult my charts, and I can give you a ballpark idea. It’s nice, and it’s empowering.

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Who Else is Returning a Christmas Gift?

Was it something you asked for? Mine is.

Weeks before Christmas, upon request, I specifically e-mailed my mom the cut, color and size I wanted of this certain J. Crew coat. I chose the one with thinsulate, making it near $300. I sent Mom a coupon for 20% off, but she forgot to use it, so it really was a hefty sum. So generous of her!

Christmas morning, I opened the package and tried it on: too big. Even when I choose my own gift, it doesn’t work out right!

Yesterday after work, I returned the coat, and the store put the money back on my mom’s credit card; they didn’t have anymore in the store, let alone in my size. So now, Mom says, I can find a coat I want, and she’ll buy it. Talk about an unexpected luxury: shopping without spending!?

Christmas Gifts

Outside those for my immediate family, all my presents have been given now. The verdict: they were affordable and a terrific success.

Calculations:
Co-workers: $35 (Crate & Barrel mugs with $5 Starbucks gift cards)
Gift Exchange: $20 (DVD, skittles, cocoa, popcorn)
Boss: $3 (homemade peppermint bark)
Sunday School Kids: $20 (16 gift bags, homemade brownies, mini coloring books & crayons, candy cane pencils)

Total: $78

I have to say, a little thought went a long way. And it was so fun to give everyone something!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christmas Gifts You Can Bake

I have half a mind to run out and buy the ingredients for these recipes. I’d love to do an all-night baking fest sometime soon. So far I’ve tried the pecans… the others are on my list!

Toasted Pecans

Chocolate Pretzels

Peppermint Bark

Hazelnut Crunch