Dear VW

I have been your loyal customer for the better part of ten years, and I’m writing to tell you why that’s changed.

For a long time, I’ve been satisfied with my Jetta because of its great mileage and quality construction. Even though diesel prices have skyrocketed over the life of my car ownership (presently $4.99 in Chicagoland), my car mileage softens the change, giving me an average of more than 50 miles to the gallon.

And in 2003, the well-made craftsmanship of the car became extremely important to me, when I almost totaled it in a bad car accident involving black ice. I and the three passengers survived, in part due to the way the car was made. More than once, therefore, I’ve been very thankful to be driving a Volkswagon. Because of my high satisfaction with my vehicle over the past few years, I’ve told friends, family, coworkers and fellow bloggers about it. To be honest, I fully thought I’d buy Volkswagon again.

Unfortunately, I no longer feel that way. My car is currently at just over 87,000 miles, and a mechanic tells me that cars like mine should last well into 200,000. Yet, for over four months, my car’s been having fairly major mechanical problems: strong burning chemical smells, inability to pick up speed, high RPMs. Yet no warning lights have come on at all. I’ve taken the car in to my local Volkwagon dealership four times now.

Each time, the mechanics tell me nothing is wrong. Each time, I bring the car home and it smells like it’s on fire, it can’t speed up on the road and it goes into overdrive while under 40 mph.

I’m sure you understand how frustrating this must be, especially when you factor in not only the safety concerns, but also the time involved in transporting a vehicle back and forth to the dealership.

Now that gas prices are lower than diesel and now that I am losing all hope of my car’s returning to normal, I am wondering if I should just sell it. Next time, I think I’ll buy a Honda.

To the 508 Number Calling my Phone:

Let me save you the time and trouble of calling my cell phone yet again. No, I do not want a better interest rate on my credit card—the credit card you don’t know the name of. No, I’m not going to call by the deadline you’ve given me. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

If you knew me at all, you’d know that I pay off my cards, in full, every time I get a bill. I use them to get bonus points and to track my spending, not to defer payments. Low interest rate, high interest rate: they’re all the same to me, because they never get used.

OK? Got it? So tell the other companies—the pyramid schemes, especially—that I’m not worth calling. I’m not going to give you anything, listen to anything, tell you anything. Oh, and seriously: I’m on the do-not-call list.

WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?

How Much Do You Internet?

I’ve been a loyal Comcast user for several years now, but as of tonight I’m starting to change my mind. Our high-speed is like (well, has been like) lightning, and combined with wireless, well: let’s just say my Internet addiction makes sense.

How much do you use the Internet on a given day? It may be more than you think, at least if you’re anything like me. I usually only realize it when I’m away for a while (i.e., when I’m forced into not using it, like now).

Usual daily routine: Get up, get ready, turn computer on for iTunes in background. #1 check e-mail. Go to work, where I sit at a computer all day. On lunch break: #2 check e-mail. Just before I leave for the end of the day, if I have a sec, #3 check e-mail. Come home and eat dinner. #4 Check e-mail. Do other things–it varies–then, before bed, #5 check e-mail.

Tonight, instead of going to the local senatorial debate I had planned on attending, I spent almost two hours on the phone with Comcast because our Internet is down.

The customer service rep tells me the soonest a tech can come is Friday. Friday, people. What in the world am I going to do until then?

Forgive the blogging absence until then, will you? And when you surf in quick-speeded luxury, think of me.

DSL, here we come.

If you’ve never been a waitress

If you’ve never been a waitress, imagine what it feels like to work long hours on your feet, waiting on table after table. Imagine preoccupied customers who ignore you when you stand in front of them or belittle you when you walk away. Imagine sloppy tables, rude demands and frequent complaints. Imagine being the brunt of anger when someone’s meal isn’t the way they wanted it. Imagine constantly apologizing, smiling, saying “No problem” and “Have a Nice Day!” Then imagine how one kind customer–one generous tip or one genuine “Thank you” makes you feel. Imagine how it takes so many good customers to make up for one bad one, and resolve to be the good one.

If you’ve never been a secretary, imagine answering someone else’s phones and getting their coffee. Imagine being responsible for tasks big and small; being overlooked by those who hold titles; being yelled at or harassed in lieu of your boss. Imagine making everything run like clockwork–from the daily reports to the scheduled meetings to the mailed forms/packages. Imagine doing all these things day in and day out, while being talked down to and made little of. Imagine being called “the secretary,” instead of by your real name. Then imagine what it’s like when a V.I.P. talks to you. Imagine when he/she remembers your name, your personal interests, your family. Imagine how it takes so many kind people to make up for one obnoxious one. Then resolve to be one of the kind people.

If you’ve never worked in customer service, imagine being the sounding board for everyone’s complaints. Imagine being cursed at, yelled at, verbally assaulted and attacked. Imagine being called an idiot, a jerk, a fool, a thief. Imagine hearing this every day, all day. Imagine knowing this is part of your job and knowing there’s nothing you can do about it. Imagine being threatened and criticized, personally, for something you had little to do with. Imagine people think they can do this because they’re paying for your service. Imagine they think they have the right to act this way. Imagine you’re being paid under $12/hr. Then imagine what a difference it makes to talk to a calm, rational customer; imagine how it takes so many of these calm customers to make up for the mean ones. Then resolve to be that customer.

I’m reminded all the time lately how the people who make the lowest wages are often completing the hardest tasks and being treated the most poorly. Why do we think it’s OK to yell at the agent on the phone but we’d never do that to the person at church? Why is it OK to stiff the waitress when we’d never want someone to do that do our son or daughter? Why do we only think of ourselves and not put ourselves in someone else’s shoes once in a while?

To Tip or Not to Tip?

(LN, this one’s for you!)

A friend of mine carries a tip card, similar to the one at left (image from tipping.org), in her purse when we go out. At the end of the meal, she can pop it out, scan the columns and know how much to leave if she wants to give 10%, 15%, 20%. At restaurants, we always leave 20%, partly because I once was a waitress and partly because we were just raised that way: my parents left 20%; her parents left 20%.

Another person I know used to work at Pizza Hut; he was a manager for several years, actually, and once when we were out, tipping came up. “You’d be surprised at how often people don’t leave a tip,” he told me.

Really?

I’m unconvinced. Those of us who are concerned about money: we wouldn’t stiff a server, would we? Please tell me: do you tip? how often? how much? do you have certain rules you follow?

Is it different for restaurants? hair salons? bellboys?

And I wonder, slightly guilty: do you tip the guys at the car wash? the barista at Starbucks? the counter kids at Coldstone?

If you want to think before you answer, here are some links to chew on:

Jonathan Raleigh: Is Tipping Getting out of Hand or Am I?
CNN: How Much to Tip
Get Rich Slowly: Basic Tips on Tipping
Kiplinger’s:Tipping

dealing with customer service issues

I’m lucky enough to manage my two bank accounts at a small, local branch of a smallish bank that treats me quite nicely. It’s my dad’s bank—that’s how I ended up there—and he’s a favorite customer. Basically, what this means is that if I’m charged for overdrawing (only happened once—it was a paypal issue) or someone else’s faulty check, the bank reverses it, as far as I can tell mainly because I’m his daughter.

I won’t get into all the ethical questions of one client being treated differently or that client’s daughter reaping the rewards; that’s not the issue of this post. Rather, I want to talk about what you should do when your bank—or a restaurant, store, you-name-it—treats you poorly. What should you do when you’re not on a first-name basis with a manager, have no high connections, and your account/purchases command only a tidy sum, not enough to garner extra attention?

This is a subject I know well. In my first job out of college, I was an insurance agency office manager, which involved filing, organizing, computer work, and, mostly, customer service. From 9-5, five days a week, I answered questions about policies, updated policies at clients’ requests, and generally just made our customers feel better. My mission was to make them understand and to make them happy with our agency.

Anyone who’s ever worked with the general public knows the variety of customers:

a) The needy: This customer calls in, not primarily to get help or service, but to get a listening ear. They want to tell you about the neighbor kid who broke into their house over the weekend and had a drug ring in their living room, or about their now ex-girlfriend and the burden of getting rid of the shared house (both true stories).

b) The aloof: They’re in, and they’re out. Annoyed they even have to talk to a low-level employee like you, they ignore your name and advice, stating their request in clipped sentences: “I want X. That’s it. Thank you.” click.

c) The schmoozer: Some may find this type frustrating, but I’ll admit the entertainment value alone made the call worthwhile.

d) The mysterious: Refusing to give you any information, demanding to talk to the agent immediately, this client views sharing insurance info as something akin to handing out a blank check or SSN. When they finally get put through to the higher-up, they ask to change their phone number, or something equally mindless.

So, back to the original issue, which of these personas is most effective?
The answer: it depends.

Like customers, customer service personnel carry different personalities and attitudes and moods. While one strategy may work best with one CS agent, it might fail miserably with another.

So here’s my advice: Know what you need, Stay calm, and Have a back-up plan.

My younger brother went to college out of state for a while, forcing him to open an account at a more national bank. He’s been with them for two years, and he’s been happy. He uses only a debit card–no checks–and no one at the bank recognizes him when he goes in, but it works for him.

Recently, though, he needed to have actual hard-copy checks and also wanted a separate checking account to use for eBay-ing. He looked at his bank’s website and happily learned they offer free checks for life. He went in, requested a new account with checks, and was on his way. All was well until he received his next statement with a $25 charge smacked on.

I gave him the same advice: a) know what you want, b) stay calm, and c) have a back-up plan. (I think I also added: be firm, and don’t let them manipulate you—but that’s a family thing probably.)

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Before you call, go in, or meet with someone, get all your facts straight. What do you need to have happen to make you happy? It could be a charge reversed, a rebate issued, whatever. Have any documentation with you. Study the business’s stated policy to see if there is an existing standard policy. Once you know exactly what happened, what was wrong, and how you want it corrected, you’re ready.

STAY CALM
A lot of people mistakenly think yelling or name-calling will get their way faster. It’s just not true. All that will really happen (unless you perchance get some new, timid, unsure worker) is you will tick him or her off, and they’ll be even less likely to help you. You can be serious, firm, even unfriendly; but don’t freak out. It’s unprofessional and makes you look desperate.

HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN
*Even when you go into a situation with all your ducks in a row and you stay completely professional, you still have a chance of hitting an agent who will not help you. If, after really trying, you cannot make headway, ask to see a manager. Again, don’t lose your cool here.
*Begin again with the manager. Hopefully he or she will be better at understanding your case.
*If this still doesn’t work, consider dropping your business and switching to another provider. While you’re at it, send a letter to the business owner or CEO, CC-ing to the manager and anyone else you deem appropriate.

And if that still gets you nowhere, turn around and don’t look back. You really are better off elsewhere.