Let’s Get Something Straight: Is It Just Money?
My 47-year-old coworker K tells me her husband is the cheapest man alive. He’s the one making her work part-time and he’s the one worried about their income. He’s in sales, she hasn’t said in what industry, and commands a high salary. So when she’s angry with him, she tells me, she spends his money.
“The kids had a great Christmas this year because I was mad at my husband,” she says. “They got all sorts of stuff.”
The rest of us laugh like crazy when she shares these stories. She’s a wonderfully sweet woman who loves her children, you can tell, and she is easy to work with, easy to laugh with. We split our sides at the thought of her, crazy with a credit card, packaging purchases to make a point. We laugh too, I think, because we are shocked and surprised and maybe a little jealous that she can be so open about her financial habits. Who admits, out loud and without embarrassment, that she spends in frustration? Who admits she does something a little unwise with her money?
I, for example, don’t tell my coworkers that for a first date I almost always want a new outfit. I don’t say that I could probably shop every weekend without getting bored or that right about now I’m itching to take a trip somewhere. My other coworker T avoided for weeks telling us that she used to eat on $3 a day, back when she was starting out, that she has been living under a drug-dealer in order to keep her $425/month rent, that her parents practically threw her out the door at 18.
It’s hard to talk about money.
I submit that one of the big reasons we don’t talk about money is the same reason I love to PF-blog. It’s very, very personal. And because it’s personal, there’s big opportunity for approval, intimacy, judgment and, largely, rejection. I love the anonymity of my site (which I’ve questioned sometimes and truthfully still catch myself worrying about and then censoring my words) because I can, in theory, say anything without being judged. Or, if someone does judge, he or she doesn’t really know me anyway.
Money is hard for people to discuss because it affects so much of life: where you live, how you live, potentially how you feel about yourself and your friends.
I’d like to change this, sometimes. I’d like to out-with-it and tell the world my financial status. I’d like to start a trend of it’s-just-money thoughts among my friends. But I fear that’s not possible. I fear what would really happen is I would bare all and regret it.
I guess, bottom line, is there’s a part of me that fears what it would do to my relationships and how it would hurt them. Because while it is just money, and money’s not life, my friendships are valuable and delicate and worth preserving.
Filed under blogging, communication, questions, relationships | Comment (0)Friends and Money
My best friend and I talk on the phone every week, sometimes more than once. She’s married and lives in a new-construction house far away from me, with a one-year-old boy and a cute puppy.
We met as living mates in college, back when neither of us had any real money to speak of and lived in a trailer with seven other girls. She’s one of the only people in my life that I automatically clicked with: there was no getting-to-know-you period. I think she asked me to grab dinner with her, and we were friends forever after.
Over the past few years, I’ve stood up in her wedding and visited her family a few times, but it’s our phone calls that have kept us close. It’s funny how someone so geographically far away can feel closer than someone in the same room.
So here’s the funny (or maybe typical) thing: About most issues, it’s and-he-was-wearing-a-white-sweater-when-he-came-over conversations; it’s so-then-I-said details. But with money, it’s more I’m-making-good-money, Husband-got-a-great-job, don’t-you-hate-when-you-get-ripped-off? I know she nannies part-time to add to their vacation fund. She knows I went to Boston on credit card points.
But that’s kind of where it ends.
When I got a raise at my three-month review, I didn’t tell her. I felt like it’d be bragging, even though she doesn’t know what I make. When they were given a large chunk of money in return for some poor business practices, she said, I won’t tell you how much, but it was a lot.
We tip-toe all around finances but never quite come out with it. I don’t because she doesn’t, and, probably, she doesn’t for the same reason.
Truthfully, I think it’s better this way. Money changes things between people, I’ve found. Not between some people, but between most people. Money’s personal–it’s sensitive. Everyone has an opinion on it, and most of us don’t want to justify our decisions with all our close friends. At least that’s what I think.
So tell me: Do you talk about money with your friends?
Filed under communication, relationships | Comment (1)media-saturated society
I went to get gas (well, diesel) the other day, at this newer Shell station a few miles from home, where the rate was $3.09, compared to the other stations’ $3.20+.
It was evening, around 7 p.m. or so, and I planned to run a couple errands after this stop. I pulled up to the pump, opened my tank and took out my credit card. Right above the screen where I inserted my Visa, there was a flat-screen television. The little Shell man inside the screen greeted me with “Welcome” and proceeded to offer me all sorts of information while I filled up. Weather, news, interesting tidbits and–of course–advertising.
It was nice, really. Instead of looking for something to do in the 5-10 minutes while I waited, I found out that the next day would be 50-some degrees and that would continue for days. I didn’t mind the advertising, although I must say: I don’t remember any of it.
Anyway, it got me thinking about how these televisions/advertising are everywhere nowadays! The grocery store waiting lines, airports.. now gas stations.
This is all, coincidentally, going through my mind in the weeks that I’ve also been reading The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. All the time lately, I find myself wondering about what makes something stick in someone else’s mind, what makes it “sticky,” as Gladwell terms it. Why are advertisers willing to pay $$$ to simply “be seen”? What do you think? Are there certain commercials that you always remember or that actually make you go buy something?
Filed under communication, the everyday | Comments (7)dealing with customer service issues
I’m lucky enough to manage my two bank accounts at a small, local branch of a smallish bank that treats me quite nicely. It’s my dad’s bank—that’s how I ended up there—and he’s a favorite customer. Basically, what this means is that if I’m charged for overdrawing (only happened once—it was a paypal issue) or someone else’s faulty check, the bank reverses it, as far as I can tell mainly because I’m his daughter.
I won’t get into all the ethical questions of one client being treated differently or that client’s daughter reaping the rewards; that’s not the issue of this post. Rather, I want to talk about what you should do when your bank—or a restaurant, store, you-name-it—treats you poorly. What should you do when you’re not on a first-name basis with a manager, have no high connections, and your account/purchases command only a tidy sum, not enough to garner extra attention?
This is a subject I know well. In my first job out of college, I was an insurance agency office manager, which involved filing, organizing, computer work, and, mostly, customer service. From 9-5, five days a week, I answered questions about policies, updated policies at clients’ requests, and generally just made our customers feel better. My mission was to make them understand and to make them happy with our agency.
Anyone who’s ever worked with the general public knows the variety of customers:
a) The needy: This customer calls in, not primarily to get help or service, but to get a listening ear. They want to tell you about the neighbor kid who broke into their house over the weekend and had a drug ring in their living room, or about their now ex-girlfriend and the burden of getting rid of the shared house (both true stories).
b) The aloof: They’re in, and they’re out. Annoyed they even have to talk to a low-level employee like you, they ignore your name and advice, stating their request in clipped sentences: “I want X. That’s it. Thank you.” click.
c) The schmoozer: Some may find this type frustrating, but I’ll admit the entertainment value alone made the call worthwhile.
d) The mysterious: Refusing to give you any information, demanding to talk to the agent immediately, this client views sharing insurance info as something akin to handing out a blank check or SSN. When they finally get put through to the higher-up, they ask to change their phone number, or something equally mindless.
So, back to the original issue, which of these personas is most effective?
The answer: it depends.
Like customers, customer service personnel carry different personalities and attitudes and moods. While one strategy may work best with one CS agent, it might fail miserably with another.
So here’s my advice: Know what you need, Stay calm, and Have a back-up plan.
My younger brother went to college out of state for a while, forcing him to open an account at a more national bank. He’s been with them for two years, and he’s been happy. He uses only a debit card–no checks–and no one at the bank recognizes him when he goes in, but it works for him.
Recently, though, he needed to have actual hard-copy checks and also wanted a separate checking account to use for eBay-ing. He looked at his bank’s website and happily learned they offer free checks for life. He went in, requested a new account with checks, and was on his way. All was well until he received his next statement with a $25 charge smacked on.
I gave him the same advice: a) know what you want, b) stay calm, and c) have a back-up plan. (I think I also added: be firm, and don’t let them manipulate you—but that’s a family thing probably.)
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Before you call, go in, or meet with someone, get all your facts straight. What do you need to have happen to make you happy? It could be a charge reversed, a rebate issued, whatever. Have any documentation with you. Study the business’s stated policy to see if there is an existing standard policy. Once you know exactly what happened, what was wrong, and how you want it corrected, you’re ready.
STAY CALM
A lot of people mistakenly think yelling or name-calling will get their way faster. It’s just not true. All that will really happen (unless you perchance get some new, timid, unsure worker) is you will tick him or her off, and they’ll be even less likely to help you. You can be serious, firm, even unfriendly; but don’t freak out. It’s unprofessional and makes you look desperate.
HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN
*Even when you go into a situation with all your ducks in a row and you stay completely professional, you still have a chance of hitting an agent who will not help you. If, after really trying, you cannot make headway, ask to see a manager. Again, don’t lose your cool here.
*Begin again with the manager. Hopefully he or she will be better at understanding your case.
*If this still doesn’t work, consider dropping your business and switching to another provider. While you’re at it, send a letter to the business owner or CEO, CC-ing to the manager and anyone else you deem appropriate.
And if that still gets you nowhere, turn around and don’t look back. You really are better off elsewhere.
Filed under communication, customer service | Comment (0)
