Who Am I? (and other 20-something reflections)

Sometimes I feel like I’m still trying to figure out my place in the world, like where I fit, which is weirder and weirder as I get older.

City life, country life and suburban life all have strong appeal, and I could see myself doing any of them.

I like Europe and I like America; I like my career but I like the idea of working from home; I like living with my parents yet I think I’d like living on my own.

Is this how it’s supposed to feel to be a grown-up? Or is this a sign that it (the whole adult thing) hasn’t happened to me yet?

I have friends who, I’d swear up and down, feel completely at peace and confident of their life’s decisions. Friends who, for example, grew up knowing she wanted to get married right out of college or sooner and start a family. Friends who knew he would work in marketing and live downtown in a swanky condo. Friends who knew their dreams, all along, and made them happen.

I feel like those people are really blessed, because, at least in my opinion, the idea that you should just know what your real dreams are is a gigantic, enormous delusion that we’re told from childhood. Maybe it happens for some people, like the friends I mentioned, but it seems like a lot more people have to struggle to figure it out, with bumps along the way.

A friend of mine from college works two part-time jobs, both somewhat secretarial, while she holds a degree in linguistics. She is starting, stopping, starting, stopping plans on a daily basis: sending resumes and calling places where she could move and start something different. Thing is, how is she supposed to know what that something different should be, if it should be something?

Right now, I’m saving money, living with my family, working at a job I like and worked hard for. I hold two college degrees and like my resume. I have friends and entertainments and love and true joy. All in all, a very good, very blessed life.

And I can see what today, and tomorrow roughly, look like. It’s good. But ask me what I’ll be doing five years from now? 10? Absolutely no idea. Is this strange?

Then again, there’s a larger part of me that thinks maybe admitting I don’t know what will come is the actually most honest way to live, despite my age/career/income/family/etc. Even if I had a specific life track, a 15-year plan or whatever, I wouldn’t hold the future.

And, now that I think about it, maybe that’s a really valuable thing to learn and hold onto, especially when you’re all of 25.

Job-Hunting while Employed: the other perspective

In the PF-blogging world, they tell you never to let an employer know you have another job offer/possibility unless you’re serious about leaving. This is because you’ll essentially be telling your employers you’re hunting and they’ll assume you’re not that committed to your current position. Makes sense, right? I’ve planned to follow this advice, should the situation every come up where I needed to.

But something I haven’t read a lot about in PF blogs, and something that I’ve not planned a response for, is the flip side of this circumstance: what it’s like to be the manager who finds out your employee is hunting.

Remember my employee-survey idea and how it gave me clues as to what my employees were thinking? As a result, I fought hard to get someone promoted, and my employee was thrilled to take our offer.

So you can imagine my surprise, then, when this same employee told me last week, just days before the transition to full-time (and its accompanying pay increase) took effect, that there was another job possibility now on the table–a job possibility that would be better than ours.

This isn’t an issue of pay, or of work responsibilities, or work environment, or anything that I can control. In fact, it’s a simple issue of the-other-job-is-more-line-with-desires. Less money, but different perks, potentially more prestigious ones.

I’m glad when someone pursues his or her dreams, but I have to admit it’s hard not to resent the way this has panned out. Now, we’re understaffed for the next few weeks until I can find another part-timer to fill in the hours my newly FTer would have been working. Plus, I have a only-somewhat-committed staffer who could up-and-leave at any point.

Times like these, I remind myself that these are the growing pains of experience. There’s a lot you can plan and prepare for, a lot you can do to motivate and encourage. But when push comes to shove, you’re not in control of other people or their motivations/desires.

You do the best you can, and you come out wiser for it. For now, I’m preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, hiring again (ugh) and making new plans, albeit penciled ones. I think that’s all you can do.

Claiming Authority at Work

A few weeks ago, my blogging friend Full-Grown Single responded to some questions I had about, essentially, how to be a manager:

She writes, “You have a different set of stuff to work through: how to claim your own authority, maybe, and then, how to get other people to want to do what you want.”

She was right.

I have this feeling that I’ll be working through this for a long while, but I have good news: it’s getting better. The first big step came when I hit a new point of resolve, where it was OK if I didn’t stay at my company. I updated my resume, I polished my portfolio and I started looking around. I even applied for a few things. This gave me a feeling of freedom, where I wasn’t as concerned about making my boss happy as I was about making things better.

So first: I did some research online, and I found an employee survey that I tweaked a bit and sent to my department. They could fill it out if they wanted, with or without names. It helped me see how they thought things were going, what they wanted improved, how satisfied they were. I learned one person wants to work different hours (no prob), another really wants to be full-time (possible), another wants more editing, less writing (done). In my mind, I don’t know why they wouldn’t just tell me this anytime, but inviting them to do so really worked. This gave me the opportunity to give them something.

Then I met with my boss. He explained again all the reasons for the salary freeze. Then I told him, especially since we have this freeze, I think we should be getting X, Y & Z, these things being other benefits that wouldn’t relate to money but that would make a big difference. I felt like, what did I have to lose? He was so reasonable, as he has been from the beginning, and he gave me what I wanted.

Result: For the first time in a long time, I feel really good about how things are going. Lessons learned? a little research and willingness to try/ask/invite feedback can make a big difference.

what’s on my mind today

The nicest man I work with, the one who treats everyone with respect and fast became my all-around favorite 60-something, is having major surgery today. Major, major surgery. And I know he’s scared.

I hadn’t seen him around lately, and I thought his performance had been down and maybe he’d been let go. Apparently I was half-right. He was let go, in a way, but he also is having serious health concerns, with an aneurysm last week.

If you pray, would you pray for him today? I’ll try to post an update when I hear news. Times like these, I have to admit it’s hard to care much about the little nitty-gritty day-to-day work stuff I have to do. It’s hard to think it’s that important, other than the principles of work ethic and earning a living, etc.

At the end of my life, or at a time when I know it could be the end, I doubt most of my work stuff will matter, save for the relationships and the ways it mattered to those relationships. The ridiculously out-of-proportion responses I see in business to things that are kind of trivial (i.e., money, the making of it, the spending of it) will be just shadows.

Salary Freeze = High Turnover

My life has become a Business 101 class, and every day is a new lesson. Chapter one: you know nothing about being a manager. Chapter two: no, you really don’t. Chapter three: salary freezes stink, and there’s nothing you can do about them.

I wrote a few weeks ago about our salary freeze, which is still going strong. Have you worked for a company in a salary freeze? Could you tell me about it? How long did it last, what did you do, did you think it was fair?

I’ve lost a total of three employees now, all of whom gave me very reasonable desires for pay increases, which we’d fully intended to give them before the freeze came. Now I’m training someone new; in a few weeks, there will be another one. My biggest frustration is that there doesn’t seem to be a real concern from higher up about my “little guys.” It’s like writers are just  growing on trees, like they’re a dime a dozen. This, of course, is extremely de-motivating to my staff.

I’ve sat and pondered hours on end how I could make things better: we tried an incentive-based bonus last month, with a very high productivity demand my boss suggested. That was a big bust. So I pleaded for an incentive at least for my best, fastest writer, who’s leaving. Got that. Now we’ve lowered the bar a bit, temporarily, to see how this will go over.

A business-major friend tells me there are some ideas you just won’t know the success of until you try them. Chalk one or two up to bad idea, thanks. I want so much to make things better for my department, and I want the company to do well. But my hands being tied makes that difficult.

So I’m trying to think of improvements I can make, creative strategies to employ, that will help employees and the company. It’s hard.

Are you in management? Have you experienced anything like this? Any advice for me?

Where I’ve Been All Week

So, as promised, I took a week-long vacation from blogging to celebrate my one-year blogoversary.

What have I been up to? Here are some highlights:

1) Personal: I wrote a fan letter to John Krasinski. My first celebrity letter ever. I blame my co-worker. And John–for being so darn lovable.

2) Work: I hired two new people and lost another.

3) New Projects: After reading about Taproot at another blog, I looked into volunteering. I still need to find an orientation that will work with my schedule, but I’m seriously looking into this as a great resume builder, contact maker and new experience.

4) Just because I wasn’t blogging doesn’t mean I wasn’t reading. I clearly wasn’t alone in my appreciation for WellHeeled’s “The roaring twenties” post. She puts so well what a lot of us have been feeling in this stage of life. Worth reading.

For the Records

This past week, my new Blackberry and I have gotten to know each other. We’re already very close. I find myself adding new information (task: get hair cut!, appointment: interview 1 PM Friday; new phone # for friend X) all the time. I’m trying very hard to stay strong and not get the unnecessary data plan ($30/month). But I want one.

Still haven’t bought any clothes since early February. This is big for me. I’m testing myself to see if I can actually wear every item of clothing I own before buying anything new. So far so good, though I do feel the itch to shop. Seriously.

Target took back the shelves with no problem. Ah, Target. Now for the walls.

Work’s going fine. We’re busy, I love my coworkers, spring has given us daylight to drive home in. But I’m still thinking, wondering about what I want to do in the future.

My tax refund came last week, auto-deposited into my account. I sent it all to the ER fund.

And those are my latest updates. Sometimes I feel these boring little bits of info aren’t worth posting, but I figure: it’ll be nice to have this to look back on.

I’ve chosen a new work motto: You can only do so much.

Sometimes I have to talk to myself in my head. When I’m on the phone with someone who’s raising his voice, demanding to know why he got an e-mail about a problem that turned out not to be a problem, why he’s been burdened for five minutes of his morning double-checking something he’d already done.

Or when our little work projects become bigger work projects, coupled with other work projects and now with hiring (!) two more people when I don’t have time to get my regular work done.

That’s when I’m–inside–reminding myself that really, my job is not especially important, not in the big-picture sense. It’s not like I’m performing brain surgery or sending people to the moon or something. It’s a job, and I like it. And I’m really, really glad I like it. But really: it’s a job.

I can just do my best.

From now on, I’m clocking out at the end of the day and relaxing.

Tell Me If You Think This Is Weird:

My friend, a part-time office intern at a prominent university, begins his work day at 9 a.m.

The other day, when he walked in about 10 minutes early, he opened his Outlook. An alert came up, saying his supervisor had scheduled a meeting with him that morning from 8:45 to 9:15 a.m. So he thought he was either a mistake or ridiculous, seeing as he *starts* at 9 and shouldn’t even be there at 8:45.

She came out: “Did you get my alert?”

Him: “Yes, but I was confused since I don’t start until 9.”

Boss: “Oh.” {walks back into office}

Right on the dot at 9 a.m., Friend went to scheduled meeting. Boss said he’d been unprofessional and she couldn’t believe his response. He should’ve come in early, she said. But he didn’t know about the meeting until that morning.

Weird? Not weird? Have you experienced any weird business interactions like this?

When Do You Deserve a Raise?

I’m curious: when/how often do you get pay increases at your job? Annually, every six months, something else? Doing some research online today, I came across this article at the Workcoach blog.

What caught my attention were the comments, like this one:

It’s a question of economics, not ethics. Is the woman who has worked for 10 years at a position making widgets worth more than a woman who has worked there for 1 month, yet produces the same amount of widgets? I hope you see my point. Raises, at least in my opinion, are not worthy to be “asked for,” but should be earned when you take on more responsibilities or increase production, etc.”

This is on my mind for a couple reasons, the largest being the three-month reviews I did this week. They were late, as Corporate had put them off during the company-wide salary freeze, which, now it turns out, is still ongoing. I can think of few things that are less fun that sitting down with people and telling them they can’t have more money. I’ve been thinking about it all week.

But the thing is, even if there hadn’t been a company pay freeze, I couldn’t prove these particular people deserved raises, at least not based on anything tangible. I’m still double-checking their work and reminding them to read their e-mails. That’s why I get what the commenter above is saying. We live in a results society: show me your value, and prove to me your worth.

My boss met with me last week and told me he’s proud of me. He gave me glowing reviews and praise, but no raise. I didn’t ask for any increase, either–not because I don’t want one, but because I’m convinced I’ll get one when I prove I’ve earned it. Instead, I argued for the promised bump-up for one of my other employees (who hasn’t brought it up), even despite the pay freeze, and he gave it to me.

As for my own raise, right now, I’m building my case with monthly productivity reports, regular feedback/updates to him and new ideas whenever I can think of them. I’m focusing on giving him my best because that’s the employee I should be.

And the way I see it, when my one-year review comes up, I can lay these things before him, tangibly, and ask for more money. He’s fair, so I’m sure he’ll say yes. But if he didn’t, I’d have a long list of skills/qualifications to add to my resume and to make me more attractive for my next job.

What do you think?