Job Hunting & Dating Both Stink
Last week, I had a guy tell me, as he walked me out after dinner on our first date, “You’ll have to let me know if you want to do this again sometime.”
He leaned in as if to go for a hug/kiss, right there in front of the restaurant, and I turned away a little bit, still smiling and thanking him for the meal. Completely confused not just by his last statement but by the entire night, I had, literally, no idea if he was actually interested or not. I hadn’t felt any bells or fireworks through the evening, but that’s not really necessary to me on the first date; I had fun, but I didn’t know what I thought yet. My plan? Wait to see his next move.
It’s kind of like when you go for a job interview. The HR rep or manager asks you a lot of questions and you answer and gather more information, not really sure what you’re thinking about the company yet. You are still interested, willing to hear what they offer, but you’re not desperate for it or anything. It’s not your dream job, it seems so far, but you’re still deciding if has potential.
I’ve been on so many job interviews. More than dates, in fact. I’ve interviewed for entry-level positions I didn’t have half an interest in, just for the sake of interviewing and learning what was out there. And the result? I’ve gotten really good at interviewing. Like, really good. If I can get you to give me the interview, nine times out of ten, I can get you to give me the job.
Dating, on the other hand, I don’t have down yet. I’m still gathering info, you know? I’m still going on these dates and learning what to expect from guys, who, it seems, routinely don’t call you back or, on the flip side, pursue the heck out of you, or, like my Ex, don’t talk to you for a year and then say he wants to get back together.
Some people get really lucky. They marry their high school sweethearts. They land a killer job out of college. But, for most of us, it’s not that simple.
And for that reason, it pays to do your homework, hoping with all your fingers crossed that you can be the exception and have things work out without all this trouble. In the mean time, you might as well do what you can, I say:
Here is a list of great job-hunting/interviewing resources I’ve come across over the past few months that I thought you might enjoy. Unless you’re in your dream job, you should always have your eye out for what’s available. It just makes sense.
- The Best Job Hunt Post: Top 40 Links from the Web. from Green Panda Treehouse. I know I just linked to this yesterday, but go over and check it out, OK? Great list of info.
- Resume Rules for Job-Hunting Fools. from Feminist Finance. Tangible, practical resume-writing tips.
- If there’s one thing I admire about Krystal, it’s the amount of job interviews she scores! Clearly, she’s doing something right. In this post she shares some of her secrets, though not the biggest ones, because, after all, job-hunting is kind of a competition.
- Work Coach Cafe is a great site with all kinds of career-related resources, from resume advice to loads of Q & A.
- And of course, I might as well plug myself a little: if you’re from Chicago or a writer, click the To Job Hunters tab above for a list of job banks. You can also read all about my job-hunting history by clicking the job-hunting category of the sidebar.
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10 Responses to “Job Hunting & Dating Both Stink”
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I like the way you have compared dating and the job interview. I can related well to that!
At the end of the day the decisive factor is - Settle for this or wait for more ??
Shamelle
GG, I would run, not walk, away from the guy. I spent many years being single and suffering through the dating scene, and I have enough stories to fill a book. What he should have said was, “I had a great time. Do you want to go out again next week?” Or, at the very least, instead of saying what he did, he should have just called you within a couple of days and asked you out again for the following weekend. So frustrating. Also, thanks for posting all of the job-hunting links.
Yuck, so tacky. Not only did he try to go in for a kiss on the first date, he didn’t even have the courtesy to tell you whether he’d like to see you again. I hope you had a nice dinner at least. Dating is survival of the fittest (it’s a jungle out there!) and I think this guy pretty much vetoed himself.
I hate dating! I also agree with Bonnie. If the guy isn’t willing to let you know that he had a good time, he’s not worth your trouble. Finding someone you click with is difficult…but steer clear of assholes along the way!
For interviews, I tend to hold my cards close to my chest; in relationships, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m sure there’s something for me to learn in both situations.
Have you ever considered that maybe all of the guys worth dating are busy writing blogs about their paying back their student loans?
Shamelle: Yep, that’s the parallel question, along with–are they settling for me, or will they wait for something better? You know?
Bonnie: Well, since you’re advising from the other side, so to speak, I especially appreciate the comment. At some point things got better for you, right? So that means they do for other people? Seriously, I tell my married friends, be thankful you’re done with this whole thing!
JL: I love that you called it tacky. That is the word!
SD: Yeah, overall so confusing.
MFA: That’s really interesting and maybe something for me to think about. In interviews, I’m always totally positive, even if I’d never consider the job. In dating, I’m more guarded, not wanting to lead the guy on. I wonder if that’s my problem.
BGS: You are a brave one, commenting amongst all these women. LOL at your comment. I laughed out loud, so thanks for that.
I agree on the dating!! Girls are sooooooooo confusing
I’m sure they can say that about guys also ha.
This year I’ve dedicated the year to myself and actually doing things for myself that I enjoy instead of waiting and trying to find Miss Right. I’m sure she’ll pop up someday. Its been much less stressful thats for sure. Helps the savings also!
Hi GG!
Sorry it took so long for me to visit. I took a consulting job and am back in the work world. Puts a real cramp on my blogging.
As for dating…oh man could I write a book. We all could! The one thing I’ve learned about dating is that I know nothing for sure, even after all these years. I’m reminded of the first date I had with guy…I absolutely knew I was NOT attracted to him. But we saw each other a few more times as friends and, without giving away the details, he turned out to be the best lover I ever had.
I think guys are just as confused about how to date as we are, and, just like mfaorbust, guys also sometimes keep their cards close to the table and it takes a while to get them to open up - or for us to understand why something they said or did might not have been a good indication of who they are. And some of them are just plain scared of us. (I’ve learned this after much field research.)
You’re wise in comparing it to the interview process…if everyone would just be themselves from the git go the whole thing would work so much better! And just like in an interview, it’s ok to ask follow-up questions!
Always a great read, GG. Cheers.
Ronnie Ann
[...] Writer’s Wallet shares her view on why job hunting and dating both stink, a premise I can certainly sympathize [...]