Comments on: So I Have This Friend (or, on mooching)

By: Writer's Coin

Writer's Coin — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 03:17:15 +0000

This really ticks me off. I have a buddy that used to do this all the time and no matter how upset I got after he did it, it kept happening. They just don’t see that it’s a really uncool thing. THe worst was when he begged me to tag along with some random girl because the girl he was after didn’t want to go out alone with him. It was a weekday and I said fine, I’d do it. Then we get to the bar and he’s like “I’m not going to be able to cover this so do you have money? Cuase we’ll have to buy them their drinks too.”

Awesome.

By: Fabulously Broke

Fabulously Broke — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 23:29:34 +0000

I can’t explain it. I suffer from it too. Trying too hard to help everyone and getting slapped in return (well, not slapped. ignored)…. in the end, you just say it once and you’re done.

By: Weekly Round Up: Beginning of the Week | Green Panda Treehouse

Weekly Round Up: Beginning of the Week | Green Panda Treehouse — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:45:28 +0000

[...] So I Have This Friend (or, on mooching) I think all of us have to deal with this at one point or another. [...]

By: karen

karen — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:40:57 +0000

Oops. Meant to add, maybe she’s just an ingrate regarding the resume help.

By: karen

karen — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:36:56 +0000

I’m sorry to hear that you have a friend like that; I think she’s taking advantage of you. Next time you all go out, tell the server that you need split checks right from the start.

As for the resume issue, maybe she is discouraged that you made so many changes to it - something she created.

By: full grown single

full grown single — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 02:14:20 +0000

I’m on the same track as mfaorbust: I think you’ve got to ask yourself whether this is a friend you need to keep, because she’s using you. Probably not simply to get a good meal, but maybe to make herself feel like she’s doing ok by putting you in a position of buying for both of you the lifestyle she thinks she deserves.

I feel confident saying that. If you had done this once and she just didn’t notice you ordered a salad instead of a big plate, then ok. But once it happened a second time, you were being abused.

Here’s something I learned late… almost everyone thinks they, themselves, are good. If she’s abusing you, then it probably means her addled sense of “justice” tells her that you, for whatever your sins may be, have to pay more than your share, and you should be happy about it, because karma requires that you make her whole.

Now I’ll get off mfaorbust’s track and sidle over to Sartre. Other people -are- hell. Just enjoy your friend, and if it gets hard to enjoy her, move on.

By: Bailey

Bailey — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:07:05 +0000

Just found this blog, like it. Will be back.

And yes, you can give your friends to much!

By: mfaorbust

mfaorbust — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:19:34 +0000

I had a friend like that, and I’m afraid that the past tense is intentional. We didn’t have a big falling out or anything–I just got tired of buying her drinks and chipping in an extra $10 at dinners out. I’d say things like, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get me back sometime!” But she never did.

It’s not that I wanted a dollar-for-dollar return; I was generous because I believed in our friendship, and I just wanted some token that she did too. So I stopped accepting her invitations to go out, saying that I’d be happy to host a night in instead. She has yet to take me up on that offer… which made me realize that, sadly, she wasn’t too great of a friend.

By: SavingDIva

SavingDIva — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:05:19 +0000

I feel lucky that I’ve never had to do more than loan a few dollars to someone…

By: Sp

Sp — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:13:01 +0000

You have a good point. At some point, “helping” allows people to be irresponsible. You can’t really help someone unless they want to change. Does she, really?