I am not going to a wedding this morning.
A few months ago, I made a command decision: if I don’t know someone (i.e., if I ran into them, I’d feel weird going over and saying hi), I don’t have to go to their weddings/baby showers/graduation parties. It’s the time of year for that sort of thing, and, especially when you travel in my particular circles, you get invited to a lot of things, even for people you don’t know. I have gone to my fair share of stranger-parties, and sure, I’ve survived. But I’ve not enjoyed them, and I don’t think the people of honor even knew I was there or cared.
So, last weekend, I didn’t go to the graduation party of a high-schooler I’ve never spoken with, even though her parents seem nice. At the end of the month, I’m not going to the baby shower of the girl whose bridal shower and wedding I’ve already attended but haven’t talked with her since. And today, I’m not going to the wedding of the couple I know nothing about, save from some random Facebook updates.
It’s nothing personal, and it’s not about the money. I’m even sending a gift to the newlyweds. My brother and I went to Target last night, and we split the approximately $30 cost of a Brita water pitcher, which he’s taking to the wedding, seeing as he went to elementary/high school with the bride. I feel $15 is fair for an acquaintance’s wedding gift. (Side note: cost to me was actually $9, thank you bank-reward gift cards)
It’s just: with our society’s big, big parties and invite-everyone-you-ever-knew gatherings, I get invited to things, probably out a sense of obligation from someone. They’re inviting my brother or my parents or my co-worker, so they feel they should invite me, too, so I’m not hurt. And that’s kind. But it’s always kind of awkward for me–how many receiving lines can you go through saying, You look beautiful! Great wedding! as they smile at you, wondering what your name is. (OK, maybe exaggerating, but not by a lot.)
When I have a party or if I ever get married or have a baby shower, I’d like to just have the people I love that love me. It may be a smaller group–no 2000-person guest lists, as my random cousin is apparently choosing later this year for her wedding–and there won’t be as many gifts, but, in my opinion, that’s perfectly fine.
Filed under gifting, relationships, the everyday |
4 Responses to “I am not going to a wedding this morning.”
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I wouldn’t have gone to the wedding either. Personally I don’t get invited to many weddings and this is perfectly fine with me. I know people, but generally my group of friends has always been close and fairly small.
I know some people love going to weddings, but I’m not one of them. I love seeing my friends saying their vows and seeing the joy on their faces and sharing in that, but I’m just not a huge wedding fan in general.
When my husband and I decided to get married, we discussed having a small wedding first and foremost. We felt it fit our personalities to have a small, intimate ceremony and reception. We invited about 55 people and had an appetizer reception at my parent’s house afterwards. I had no bridesmaids aside from my sister. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. It was an amazing, fairly stress free, easygoing, simple, and beautiful day for both of us.
I usually end up going to about one wedding a year, although most of our friends are married now, so there probably won’t even be that many in the future. Five years ago my husband and I eloped, and apparently started a trend, because since then my two best friends have also eloped. So no big-bowed bridesmaid dresses for me
Part of my decision to elope was centered around wanting to avoid the stress of wedding planning. My extended family is huge (I have 40 first cousins…) but I’m really only close to a handful of them. It’s been 20 years since I saw some of my cousins. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of inviting a hundred people to a far-away wedding that I knew they wouldn’t come to and would just feel obligated to send a gift. But at the same time, I didn’t want people’s feelings to be hurt if I invited some and not others. So in the end, we skipped the whole thing and eloped.
I totally agree! I end up going to 4-7 weddings per summer. I’ve cut back and this summer I will go to one (boyfriend’s sister’s). I’m also cutting out going to bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and baby showers.
Agreed. I’m only going to weddings of people I actually talk to and keep in touch with
it’s all just getting too expensive with airfare and hotels and what have you