Is It OK to Hide Money from Your Spouse? (and other such questions)
Lately, every radio station I click has something to say about money, from telling me 55% of women in my age bracket don’t have $500 in their bank accounts to advising that getting out of debt is financial priority #1. This morning on my way to work, I caught a call-in session regarding the question that provoked this post’s title: Is it OK to hide money from your spouse or significant other, and, what’s more, do you do it?
Turns out it was provoked by this recent article in USA Today: “Money, fidelity go hand in hand,” which, essentially, likens physical fidelity with financial. It quotes a relationship therapist who says all the people in her practice commiting adultery are also financially deceptive, from hidden charges to fund the extra relationship to other things. And it goes on to cite all kinds of statistics: 62% of married respondents feel a secret credit card is a major violation of trust, and 6% of marrieds feel it’s grounds for divorce.
I found it interesting, if fairly unapplicable to my current situation. It got me thinking about the root of hiding money issues from the person one is closest to, the person one shares everything with. Why would someone want that?
Then I thought maybe it stems from the same reasons I like to have new clothes and enjoy spending money when I want to–there’s something in all of us that wants to decide autonomously, without judgment.
Incidentally, on the way back home tonight, I caught another talk show while flipping stations. This one, I don’t even know who the hosts were, had a man call in to discuss the discrimination in our current divorce system, while he sat outside his own home, holed up in his car.
“Why do women get more money?” he wanted to know. “I mean, what makes them deserve that?”
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5 Responses to “Is It OK to Hide Money from Your Spouse? (and other such questions)”
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Depends on the spouse. If things get to the stage where you feel a need to hide things from your spouse and cannot talk about money easily, then there are probably bigger issues to worry about.
I would also suggest that there is a world of difference between putting a little bit of money aside for whatever reason and racking up debt.
If people want a bit of financial freedom within their marriage a “his/hers/ours” arrangement can work well.
Now I don’t have a spouse or a life partner, but I’m already very honest about my money with my boyfriend. However, I don’t beleive that all your accounts should be joint. I really think that when people fall in love and get married they forget to make sure they are also financially compatable, and that leads to feeling like you need to hide your money mistakes, or what else it might be.
I think maybe some people ought to think harder before getting married.
One of the reasons I’m not married is that I tend to really have the best connections with men who will surely lose, waste, and throw away all the money they ever make.
I don’t mean that in a bad way. They just tend to be extremely “live for the moment, be in the now” type people. I love them dearly and appreciate the things they bring into my life. But merging our assets? Nope, never.
And to me that’s a big barrier to marriage.
I think a lot of people gloss over this kind of fundamental barrier. It’s exciting to be on the brink of getting married, and people who haven’t been on their own very long might have no idea how very focusing money might turn out to be for them later. It’s as foolish to marry someone you’re not on the same page with financially as it is to marry someone who honestly ABSOLUTELY doesn’t want kids if you ABSOLUTELY do.
[...] Kyle Whelliston wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptLately, every radio station I click has something to say about money, from telling me 55% of women in my age bracket don’t have $500 in their bank accounts to advising that getting out of debt is financial priority #1. … [...]
I don’t think hiding any type of financial info. is good for the marriage - whether it’s a secret credit card or savings account.
Since I married a spender (and I’m a saver), it’s been really hard to get us both going in the same direction…but so worthwhile when we see those credit card bills go down! You just have to be committed - and talk about it in small chunks!!!