Friends and Money
My best friend and I talk on the phone every week, sometimes more than once. She’s married and lives in a new-construction house far away from me, with a one-year-old boy and a cute puppy.
We met as living mates in college, back when neither of us had any real money to speak of and lived in a trailer with seven other girls. She’s one of the only people in my life that I automatically clicked with: there was no getting-to-know-you period. I think she asked me to grab dinner with her, and we were friends forever after.
Over the past few years, I’ve stood up in her wedding and visited her family a few times, but it’s our phone calls that have kept us close. It’s funny how someone so geographically far away can feel closer than someone in the same room.
So here’s the funny (or maybe typical) thing: About most issues, it’s and-he-was-wearing-a-white-sweater-when-he-came-over conversations; it’s so-then-I-said details. But with money, it’s more I’m-making-good-money, Husband-got-a-great-job, don’t-you-hate-when-you-get-ripped-off? I know she nannies part-time to add to their vacation fund. She knows I went to Boston on credit card points.
But that’s kind of where it ends.
When I got a raise at my three-month review, I didn’t tell her. I felt like it’d be bragging, even though she doesn’t know what I make. When they were given a large chunk of money in return for some poor business practices, she said, I won’t tell you how much, but it was a lot.
We tip-toe all around finances but never quite come out with it. I don’t because she doesn’t, and, probably, she doesn’t for the same reason.
Truthfully, I think it’s better this way. Money changes things between people, I’ve found. Not between some people, but between most people. Money’s personal–it’s sensitive. Everyone has an opinion on it, and most of us don’t want to justify our decisions with all our close friends. At least that’s what I think.
So tell me: Do you talk about money with your friends?
Filed under communication, relationships |
One Response to “Friends and Money”
Leave a Reply
Some of them- my best friend (who lives in Chicago!) made a couple of serious money mistakes when she was in college, and had to drop out for a semester to get her life aligned. During that process she opened up her financials to me and asked for advice. Ever since, we’ve been completely upfront with each other about salaries, spending habits, and try to keep each other responsible for making smart financial decisions. Her parents provided NO financial education, while I’ve always been interested in it and ended up majoring in accounting and finance. She finds it natural to come to me for advice in this area- I actually just helped her move her Roth IRA from BoA to ING last week.
For the most part, I like to talk about money vaguely, without getting into specifics. My boyfriend and I tend to be on the high-salary end of things among our friends, and it can get awkward. It’s especially awkward with my family, who all know what my starting salary was a year ago when I graduated from college. It happened to be more than either of my parents have ever made. Their knowledge makes gift-giving occaisions pretty awkward, because I feel I have to make sure to spend more money on everyone than they will spend on me. I save for Christmas all year long :-).