when your friend is taken advantage of
I have a friend who is a private school teacher; last year, her salary was $20K. To supplement her income, she’s spending the summer nannying/tutoring, for a family whose daughter may transfer to Friend’s institution. The little girl is five. She’s cute as a button, fairly obedient and tons of fun. My friend really enjoys hanging out with the kid. Sometimes they go to a pool, sometimes they visit the library, sometimes they stay home and do school work. It sounds like a great set up, and that’s exactly what I told Friend when she told me about starting this, back in June.
Here’s the thing: that’s not all Friend does.
In addition to babysitting and tutoring, my friend does this family’s laundry and cleans their house. She’s told to mop the floors and do the dishes while Kid sleeps. The family asks her to cook sometimes, and they often don’t reimburse her for outside activities (preapproved activities).
And the worst part? for full-time hours, Friend is being paid $600/month.
I’ve been telling her this isn’t right and encouraging her to talk to the parents, which she has. They tell her they have no money, they need to take on another job, they don’t know how they’ll pay their bills. Forgive me for judging, but they’ve been on THREE vacations already this summer. Maybe the money could’ve been spent more wisely.
I talked with Friend tonight, and she’s at a new low. The mom, after belittling my friend and mocking her appearance and race (!), told Friend that her sub-par nannying skills are OK in this laid-back family. “Other people would expect a lot more,” she told my friend.
I feel so helpless in this situation. Since I have met this family before and have a way to contact them, I’m half tempted to give them a piece of my mind. Friend doesn’t think that’s a good idea. If anyone’s going to say anything, it should be her, she says. But she won’t do it–not in a real, up-front way. She apologizes for not cleaning enough or taking too many day trips (all which were OKed by the parents and, did I mention that the cleaning wasn’t mentioned in the agreement?) and excuses their obnoxious behavior. What can I do? Nothing. Nothing but tell my friend this is ridiculous and she needs to stand up for herself.
It’s a horrible feeling.
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5 Responses to “when your friend is taken advantage of”
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Oh. That’s tough.
It’s hard to see someone you love being taken advantage of and NOT say something, but I think you friend is right; it is her responsibility to say something.
I have a feeling that she will—eventually.
In the meantime, keep encouraging her to see her own value. You’re a good friend. She’s lucky.
That’s rough.
I agree that it’s not your place to speak to this family, but it absolutely is your place to urge your friend to do so. That’s a completely outrageous situation.
It’s not your place to speak up (I know it’s hard not to say anything on your friend’s behalf, I am mad just from reading your post!), but you can encourage your friend to.
Your friend has got to learn to be more assertive and stand up for herself. How can she speak up about it without being upfront?
I would be so angry if I was the one insulted by this family! I wouldn not feel low…
Will this in anyway impact her current job at the school? Maybe she should talk to one of her superiors there?
From and objective point of view, if this person is spending so much time doing that much for such little pay, then she should quit. I even wonder if there are some legal issues with this (hourly pay wage).
I appreciate all your caring responses. If only people like you had hired my friend!
Kim and EM: I know. It’s just unbelievable. I hope something changes soon.
Gold: You sound just like me, when I talk to Friend. “You have got to stand up for yourself! I would be so angry if I were you!”
Let’s hope she believes it at some point.
Dennis: And you’ve hit the nail on the head. My friend’s biggest concern is that, if this family sends the kid to this private school, my friend will see them on a regular basis. Parents talk to each other, and who knows how it will look when they say my friend quit, conveniently not mentioning the salary/job tasks/etc. So she wants to just wait out the next few weeks and hope it all goes away.
The mom asked if my friend would clean their house in August and also asked for free after-school care in the fall. “You’ll be at the school, anyway,” she said. UNBELIEVABLE. Here’s hoping Friend believes what we all see: this is horrible!