the other half, of me
Someone I now work with introduced himself by asking me for a brief bio. When I finished, he told me how he never went to college, still turned out OK, makes tons of money and people know it. (really.) Our conversation actually lasted more than an hour, and we talked about a project neither of us has final say on, arguing about particulars. He wanted me to know how much he knew about something, if that makes sense: he’d go on and on about certain aspects of a very specific industry, seriously talking without breaks or pauses. In a conference call between us and another manager, this new guy asked me if I owned a home.
“No,” I told him.
So he took the chance opportunity to one-up me again. He asked if my parents owned a home then (relevant? I’m not sure how). He mentioned the Chicago suburb he used to live in, and he went off on another tirade.
To him, it’s clear, money=status. He believes he’s valuable and important because of his financial success.
And I get that; I really do. Money makes you feel in control; it makes people who normally wouldn’t treat you nicely treat you with respect. I grew up in a very financially successful home, with professional parents who worked hard and were very blessed. But there’s a difference between the way new guy and I see things: To him, money is the goal. To me, money is the tool to get to the goal.
I’d like to think I’m so philosophically above him… that I’m not over-in-love with money like he is. But the worst part of our conversations is the reaction it provokes in me: I want to tell him about my savings or my parents’ success. I want to let him know I’m not just some stupid 20-something who he can talk down to. I want to tell him off, so he can know just how fabulous I am, how my education was more valuable than money, how my life doesn’t revolve around my bank account.
And in wanting to defend myself, I reveal we’re not that different. And that’s why I don’t like him: I’m terrified I am him.
Filed under 9-5, a deeper look at life, the everyday |
3 Responses to “the other half, of me”
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Very interesting post! It really reminds me of the book The Secret Sharer by Joseph Conrad. Fascinating, strange, deep book. If you ever read it and want to discuss it, let me know.
I think that your consciousness of those feelings makes all the difference. He brings out a side of you that you do not like. We probably all would have the tendency to defend ourselves as you wanted to do. I respect you for recognizing it and for not stooping to his level. It must have been hard. I don’t know if I could have restrained myself like you did!
Hi GradGirl,
Thanks for the nice comments. Regarding your post:
I think a few things are going on here:
1. This guy is obviously insecure, and likes to tell you all this stuff so it is very clear that he is successful-and successful in his own head.
2. You work with his Boss. He wants you to know that he’s successful just in case the two of you ever talk about him.
3. Maybe he just wants to share. Successful people like to share how they got that way… and in his own delusion, thinks he is helping you along that way. Perhaps there are a few pearls that he will share with you…
4. All this guy really wants is respect. Give it to him, be impressed and hopefully he’ll eventually stop talking about it.
You aren’t him…. you can’t be. Only he is him (?). You choose every day who you are and what you talk about. If it all isn’t about money… you aren’t this “undermanager” guy.
You have nothing to prove to him, although it is tempting to one-up him and tell him all about the wonderful personal finance things that you’ve accomplished. Its a waste of your time-and once you say it, you’ve sunk to his level of “success-spouting.”
Be polite, thank him for his point of view and move on with your own successes.
Best of Luck,
MGB
The amazing part is that you were listened to the whole thing. I wouldn’t let folks like that get to you.